PENSACOLA, Florida - (Satire News) - In a shock to Gov. DeSantis, who thought he was a shoe-in, comes the indisputable fact that every American poll shows that "Douche Bag" DeSantis will get his hate-spewing ass kicked in the governor's race.
The top poll in the nation, The QuinniPinni Poll notes that the sitting governor has become even more hated than the Trumpturd, which is fucking hard to believe, as Mitch "The Moscow Bitch" McConnell recently noted.
Metro News Service writer Joaquin Cerveza revealed that the things that will sink Ronnie's boat are the facts that (1) He's an avowed racist, (2) He's an avowed atheist, (3) He wears female clothing, and (4) He hates Cuban food.
The Democratic candidate who is running way ahead of DeSantis in the polls is Cuban immigrant Julio Juan Jose Oro, who is predicted to win by a percentage point margin of 83% to 17/%.
