Angry Biden Refutes Progressives Who Say He is Not Angry Enough

Funny story written by G. Brookings

Monday, 18 July 2022

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In a recent Biden speech in the wake of the Dobbs decision to strike down Roe v Wade, Mr. Biden invoked the political power of women, observing that “When tens of millions of womens (sic) vote this year they won’t be alone.”

Prongscald admits he was at first puzzled by what seemed to be a remarkably obvious point, not really in contention. So, what did Mr. Biden mean, Prongscald wondered?

Well, after a few drinks, the answer arrived just in time to enjoy the oncoming hangover. It was clearly a threat, made to rebut pro-abortion women on the left who complained that he was not angry enough after Dobbs.

Being a married man himself, Biden knows that even one angry woman is sufficient to cause a man grief. Ten million angry woman would be a fearsome thing. Who hasn’t seen video and photos of screaming, pink-hatted activists, their mouths straining open like trained seals waiting for fish? The sight is enough to deflate the stiffest male ego into flaccid submission.

This is the flip side of the sarcastic Biden that the people who oppose him have come to know and love. Where is your army of berserkers, he seems to be asking?

Of course, Biden being old and tired himself, reminded Prongscald of the old lady who used to toss pots of boiling water off her third floor balcony when the kids below (Porngscald among them) grew too noisy and rambunctious. By the time the water landed it was cool to the touch.

But, cool or not, Biden’s implied question is a good one. If anger is such a virtue, where are all the shrieking conservative Methodists, the spell-casting Catholic witches, the Republican voodoo moms ripping the arms off effigies of Biden and generally raising hell? Nowhere to be found.

Prongscald has concluded that conservative women are physically unable to mount the requisite swell of anger and outrage, being naturally shy about letting cameras look all the way down their throats, past their outraged tonsils.

Along these lines, Prongscald also wonders if anyone on the left can explain the difference between “rage” and “outrage” without throwing something at him. Some progressives call for one and some for the other. Perhaps rage is the inner fire, and outrage is what happens to nearby retail stores when progressives are feeling rage. Yes, Prongscald admits, this is speculation. But he misses the quaint days when people “begged to differ,” never mind letting “a thousand flowers bloom.” These days the media, who judge these contests, are evidently working on the assumption that the angriest person in any dispute wins the argument. Because feelings.

Well, Prongscald wants the world to know that he has feelings too, although they are getting more sodden and pliable with each additional strawberry margarita. He highly recommends this less stressful alcoholic course to young progressives, in lieu of struggle sessions and endless marching around.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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