Guns from Cradle to Grave: An American Childhood

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Friday, 10 June 2022

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The Next Generation of "Normal" America

Republican lawmakers in the US have come up with a unique solution to the “gun problem”.

One senator (who prefers to remain unnamed in case there’s a huge blow-back for his awesome idea) has proposed that all American children be given a gun free of charge (a small one, to start with) from cradle to grave.

“That way,” says the senator, “they can become as accustomed to guns as they are to their toothbrushes.”

The idea of making guns into a part of a person’s daily accessories will hopefully make all children believe that without a gun, they are not a whole person. The gun makes the man. Or, in this case, the gun makes the child.

Or the baby. [See photo].

The senator deflected criticism of the proposal by stating: “If all kids love guns, then whichever one of the little bastards goes on a shooting spree next, we won’t blame the gun at all. It’s the crazy kid’s fault, not the faulty of the crazy law.”

The senator didn’t hear his slip-of-the-tongue until after several reporters stopped laughing.

Sidenote: during this very short investigation, lasting a mere two hours, three mass shootings occurred across the nation.

Shit – there’s another one! (My fingers can’t type fast enough!)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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