All the News That’s Fit to Ignore

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Wednesday, 8 June 2022

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All the News that's Fit to Be Hilarious!

Fox News will not be covering the live January 6th hearings on Thursday, June 9th, 2022.

Why not? ‘Cuz it ain’t news – now mind your own business!

Fox News decides what is and what is not news. It says what’s fake, what’s real, what’s Democratic Evil, and what Republic Good.

(Why should I care about Hunter Biden or his laptop, and why do Republicans constantly – I mean, again and again and again – go after this “news” story. Will it take down a president or a country? Will the news on Thursday do that? As Arsenio Hall once pondered, “Things that make you go hmmm ...”)

I think we can all admit that some news isn’t news. Like Sports. Why are sports on my news channel? And which sports are fit to broadcast? Cock-fighting? Sumo Wrestling? The World Championship of Ping Pong, Chess Masters, Bear-Bating (I think this only still goes on in Russia ... no kidding, duh!)

And some news is turned into bigger issues than they really are. This is not fake news, this is selective news. Once, the Washington Post had the banner: “All the News That’s Fit to Print”. Well, who decides that? What makes news fit? And if some anonymous newspaper editor or publisher says this news is fit and that unfit, who is this editor or publisher? Rupert Murdoch? Is he fit to be printed? Maybe fingerprinted?

So there IS someone who “determines” the news. When was the last time you heard about Cambodian politics? Or new Mauritanian computer technology? Or Peruvian medical advances? (Did you know that Cuba has discovered a CURE for lung cancer? A FUCKING CURE! Has any Western nation cured cancer? Why was this not top news everywhere? Oh, right, ‘cuz there’s no big pharma in Cuba. All you smokers who are living in the West ... you could live longer, if only you thought outside the cigar box.)

Do you know the names of the American president or the British Prime Minister, and yet you have no idea who the Sultan of Brunei is and how did he get to be sultan? How did Indonesia become Muslim when it’s so far away from Mecca? Why isn’t history taught on the news every night instead of Man U and Arsenal and the Colts and Bucks and Cardinals and whatever other goddamn animal is running in for a touchdown! (Did I get any of those correct? Clearly, I’ve not been paying attention to the “news”.)

So let us not be at all surprised that Fox News is the ONLY channel to deem an insurrection of its own nation to not be newsworthy.

Back to Hunter’s laptop, and then 12 hours of NASCAR! (Name five NASCAR drivers. See ...)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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