Florida Republicans Grooming Children for Tax Hikes

Funny story written by Steve Schneider

Friday, 22 April 2022

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Florida Republicans Approve Rightwing Woke Tax

Opponents of a Republican assault on the Disney Company, the largest employer in the Sunshine State, warn the legislation is grooming children to pay higher taxes.

“Florida Republicans got mad at Disney, and took revenge because the mouse roared in opposition to the hateful ‘Don’t Say Gay’ bill the GOP concocted at the behest of Gov. Ron DeSantis,” a statement from Moms for Liberty and Tax Fairness said. “This assault on Free Speech is political revenge porn, which should be illegal. It is certainly immoral, and ironic considering Florida Republicans claim they want to protect children and stand up for parental rights.”

The Moms group reacted fiercely to a bill passed in Special Session this week. It strips Disney of unique status it had for about five decades. That status essentially let Disney govern itself.

Fleshing out their position, mad moms continued, “Our children will be the ones to pay for this spiteful political ploy. Our children love going to Disney. Prices will rise because of the actions of Florida Republicans. That means hard-working, God-fearing parents will have to spend more of their money to give their children wholesome entertainment. The legislation also grooms children to get ready to fork over more of their money any time petty, hateful politicians want to use them as pawns in their power plays. Our taxes will be going up.”

A letter from a committee of Nobel Prize winning economists invoked GOP dogma to explain their support for Moms for Liberty and Tax Fairness. The letter said: “What do Republicans always say when Democrats approve a tax increase on businesses? They say the businesses will ultimately pass along the increase to consumers. This is exactly what will happen on the revenge porn tax awaiting the governor’s signature.”

Gov. DeSantis is expected to sign the measure, although he has not made any public appearances since lashing out at Mickey Mouse and Disney. The governor, a possible 2024 contender for the Republican presidential nomination, has been in seclusion taking red light testicle-tanning sessions to enhance his manly appeal,” according to a top aide, who requested anonymity. The aide noted that “Ron has been particularly fierce in challenging Democratic evil-doers and corrupt woke private businesses since he started his treatments, which were approved by Doctor Joseph Ladapo, our state surgeon general.”

But an online meme gaining traction put things differently. “DeSantis is tanning his balls while he ushers in rightwing woke inflation.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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