Kamala Harris Demoted to T-Ball Journalism League

Funny story written by G. Brookings

Saturday, 1 January 2022

image for Kamala Harris Demoted to T-Ball Journalism League
Harris Demands T-Ball League Use Florescent Whiffle Balls

With Harris’ latest effort to rehabilitate her political batting average widely seen as a dramatic failure, her dwindling team of strategists have decided to move on from the “softball” interview format to the T-ball interview format. For those who don’t know baseball, a softball question is one that is lobbed at slow speed in a predictable arc, enabling even a novice politician to “hit one out of the park.” Whereas in T-ball, the ball (or question) is set up in a stationary position on top of a waist-high pipe, where the batter can approach at his or her leisure and try to make contact.

Left wing pundit, George Stephanopoulos, a major practitioner of the slow pitch school of political journalism, has been ridiculed by jealous competitors for asking Harris Miss-America-Beauty-contest-style questions like: “We all know that President Biden appointed you the so-called Border Tsar. But what we don’t know is whether you spell it T-s-a-r or C-z-a-r.”

Surprisingly, despite his best fawning slo-pitch questions, Mr. Stephanopoulos was recently told by Ms. Harris’s team that he has nevertheless been too hard on her, as judged by her negative reviews in the wake of his interviews. Consequently, they explained, Ms. Harris would be spending time in the new T-ball league of Vice Presidential journalism and would no longer be available to him.

When Stephanopoulos objected, demanding to know the difference between a softball question and a T-ball question, he was told that in the latter interview format, Ms. Harris would be given the questions in advance and time to practice an answer; or, alternatively, that questions would be posed as multiple-choice options, with the correct answer always being “B.” And of course, after every interview an award or trophy or other award of some kind must be immediately presented to her.

“This is absurd,” Stephanopoulos complained, according to leaks from someone on the VP’s staff who participated in the meeting.

“Please, George, work with us here,” the staffer said, in tears. “This woman is a monster. She couldn’t even have a spontaneous discussion with six-year-olds about space exploration without hiring child actors and giving them scripts. What the hell do you want us to do?”

According to the leaked notes of the conversation Stephanopoulos reluctantly agreed, “Yes, I see your point now. If we let her strike out every time at bat, it reflects badly on all that diversity is our strength stuff.”

“That’s it, you got it. It’s T-ball time for Kamala from now on.”

“But you know that can’t last. You’ve got to coach her the hell up. You can’t have both Joe and Kamala hiding in the White House basement electrical closet until 2024. Someone will notice that the lights are out and no one’s home.”

“Don’t worry about that, George. We’ve got a plan B. If it comes to that, we’ll just put the White House up on Airbnb. Apparently, Hillary is looking for a vacation from obscurity.”

“OK. But just in case, maybe Hillary should start working on the T-ball thing too. That “deplorables” rant was a huge swing and miss.”

“Love you.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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