BILLINGSGATE POST: On Elmer Smuckmeister’s chicken ranch outside Beaver Crossing, Nebraska, the hens were singing, “He loves my walk. He loves my cluck. He’s starring me with Donald Duck.”
Who were they talking about?
It certainly wasn’t about Big Red, the rooster of record at Smuckmeister’s chicken ranch. They weren’t happy about their present hen house stud. “While I’m in here hatching white and brown, he’s out there scratching around the town. I ain’t gonna take it sitting down.”
Roosters don’t last forever. Unless, of course, they’re lucky enough to get a rooster booster shot. Big Red was down to a meager 30 hens a day. Elmer was getting a little worried that his hens would cuckold Big Red if he didn’t start upping the ante.
Elmer, not a spring chicken himself, started to experiment. Using his own private stock of little blue pills, he started Big Red off with one milligram a day which he added to Big Red’s feed. The usual dosage for men ranges from 25 to 100 milligrams. For most patients, the recommended dosage is 50 mg taken, as needed, approximately 1 hour before sexual activity. Big Red, who weighed in soaking wet at 4 pounds, had to service around 300 hens a day. Using an advanced algorithm, Elmer finally settled on 2 mg a day and found that Big Red could easily accommodate the hens without breaking a sweat; satisfying both Big Red and the hens.
The FDA issued its final approval to Elmer Smuckmeister on December 10, 2021 under the label of “Big Red Rooster Booster.”
Dr. Slim: “Every red blooded rooster should take hope. Help is on its way.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. Have you ever seen a chicken smile? They don’t got no teeth.”