Manhattan Shrink Fantasizes Unloading Revolver Into Head Of White Person

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Tuesday, 8 June 2021

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BILLINGSGATE POST: Elmer Smuckmeister, a retired farmer living in Beaver Crossing, Nebraska, was proud of the Yale diploma he had nailed to the wall of his barn, right next to a picture of his 4-H heifer, Ellie, who won first prize at the 1960 State Fair in Lincoln, Nebraska. Along with the Blue Ribbon he received for his beloved heifer, Elmer was granted a scholarship to Yale University.

Elmer was a classmate of John Kerry, who also graduated from Yale in 1966. Elmer went on to great things, while Kerry latched on to a money bag heiress to the Heinz 57 fortune, insuring that he would never have to lift a finger his entire life.

Smuckmeister made a fortune with his invention of the Montana Pole. The pole was a clever adaptation of a pitchfork handle with a mirror attached to one end - which sold like hotcakes to the beleaguered sheepherders who wanted to see if their beloved sheep was smiling when they mounted it from behind. The filthy lucre he scored from his invention made him rich. He donated millions to his alma mater. Because of his generosity, The “Smuckmeister Memorial Outhouse,” a three hole shitter, stands proudly on Yale’s campus green; an ecological symbol of Elmer’s humble beginning.

But I digress. Manhattan shrink, Dr. Aruna Khilanani campaigned for weeks to get Yale to publicly release her talk on race, but she likely didn’t anticipate the backlash her fantasies of “unloading a revolver into the head of any white person that got in my way” would generate.

For her April 6 race-hating comments to the Ivy League institution’s Child Study Center, the wacko shrink was targeted across the internet, including health rating websites to Twitter and TikTok.

Her lecture, “The Psychopathic Problem of the White Mind,” not only included daydreams of gunning down white people but also dismissed the possibility that any of her targets could empathize with people of color or understand racism. She said, “addressing racism assumes that white people can see and process what we are talking about.”

“Like I did the world a favor.” She said in reference to shooting down white people.

“We keep forgetting that directly talking about race is a waste of our breath,” Khilanani stated in the incendiary speech. “We are asking a demented, violent predator who thinks that they are a saint or a superhero to accept responsibility. It ain’t gonna happen.”

Well, Mr. Smuckmeister didn’t take this well at all, being a white man himself. And the fact that Yale didn’t condemn this shrink for her statements really pissed him off.

“Tear down my shithouse and refund my money,” he told the Yale president.

Dr. Slim: “That proves it. Those shrinks are nuttier than a fruitcake.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dr. Dude. Elmer never did identify with those city slicker Ivies. Good riddance!”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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