How Elmer Smuckmeister Saved His Free Range Chickens

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Tuesday, 23 March 2021

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Free Range Chickens

BILLINGSGATE POST: Elmer Smuckmeister from Beaver Crossing, Nebraska, had a poultry problem. His free range chickens were being run down by speeding cars. What was once a quiet rural road with few cars, now has heavy traffic whizzing by at high speed. Smuckmeister figured he was losing 5 or 6 of his free range chickens a week.

So Elmer called the local police station to complain, "You've got to do something about all these people driving so fast and killing all my chickens," he said to the local police officer.

"What do you want me to do?" asked the policeman.

"I don't care, just do something about those crazy drivers!"

So the next day the county posted a sign: SCHOOL CROSSING

Three days later Smuckmeister called the policeman and said, "You've still got to do something about these drivers. The 'school crossing' sign seems to make them go even faster!"

They put up a new sign: SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY

That really sped them up. So Elmer called and said, "Your signs are no good. Can I put up my own sign?"

"Sure. Put up your own sign."

The phone calls to the Police Station stopped, but curiosity got the better of the officer, so he called Elmer. "How is the problem with the speeding drivers, Did you put up your sign?"

"Oh, I sure did and not one chicken has been killed."

The policeman was really curious and thought he'd better go out and take a look at the sign. He also thought the sign may be something the police could use elsewhere to slow drivers down. So he drove out to Smuckmeister’s house. His jaw dropped the moment he saw the sign...


Dr. Slim: “Is this a true story?”

Dirty: “Yo, Doctor. Why do you ask?”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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