Washington DC - (The Washington Poop) | USPS announced their plan to slow mail delivery and increase prices as Post Master General, Piddle Stomp, explained to TheSpoof.com in this exclusive interview.
We asked Stomp, why stop using airplanes? He explained that pilots are either quitting or crashing the planes due to blood clots. Also they are having seizures due to aspartame drinks.
So we asked Stomp, why not use trucks to deliver mail? He explained that the government was phasing out fossil fuels and electric cars burst into flames.
So we asked Stomp, why not use ponies, like the old Pony Express?
He explained that ponies exhale CO2 causing global warming.
So we asked Stomp how WILL mail be delivered? He explained that you buy a stamp and then the stamped envelope may he delivered by the sender after he cancels the stamp.
He went on to state that anyone delivering unstamped mail would be shot by a postal worker. A postal postal worker.
