Written by Jaggedone

Wednesday, 26 September 2018

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The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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image for Spotty UK kids believe postboxes are red rubbish bins
Doctor Who knew how to use one of these correctly, spotty modern kids obviously don't!

Post Office workers are sure that today's kids do not know how to use their postboxes correctly, chiefly because they don't know what a letter is.

"Writing on paper is Jurassic!" Claimed a bunch of spotty school kids munching bags of 'Lineker' (name changed for legal reasons) crisps in their lunch break and then dumping them in "that red thing standing on the corner!"

The Post Office have protested about empty crisp bags blocking up their system. So, at the HQ of 'Linekers Crisps' a spotty spokesman (too many crisps I guess) gave this following statement to Jaggedone's CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) communications reporter, Paparazzi Pat and his flea bitten cat (He's Jurassic too).

"Well Paparazzi Pat, and your cat, we don't give a shit about spotty kids bunging millions of their empty bags in postboxes because it only proves our crisps are like WOW among kids and, if they block up the postal system we don't give a shit either, we use DHL!"

A spokesman for the Post Office told Paparazzi Pat and his flea bitten cat, that all UK postboxes are due to be converted into rubbish bins after 5th November.

The spokesman explained, "The postal service simply isn't profitable any more. But with China refusing to take the UK's waste, there's mega bucks in transporting rubbish. It's clearly the business of the future because we produce so much of the shit in this country!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Rubbish, Post Office




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