Neurologist: Senior Members Of GOP Should Have Heads Examined

Funny story written by GProwler

Wednesday, 1 September 2021

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GOP leadership are displaying increasing signs of impaired cerebral function that points to underlining causes

A leading authority of neurology believes some leaders of the Republican Party should have their heads examined for signs of cerebral damage, much like those performed post mortem on athletes suspected of having Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE).

Doctor John U.B. Lyien, Director of Neuroscience and Behavioral Research at Barnyard University, finds that like the deteriorating social and cogent behavior of people subjected to repeated blows to the brain, “members of the GOP leadership are displaying increasing signs of impaired cerebral function that points to underlining causes.

“Unlike athletes or their families and friends who have become aware of the obvious deterioration of their mental state, upper leadership of the GOP and those around them seem to show little or no awareness of their condition.”

He went on to say that he’s not comparing the crippling effects of CTE to the recent outbreaks of troubling conduct by members of the GOP. However, Lyien said “it’s important to find out if it’s a neurological condition that is causing their outbreaks of bizarre fact free public statements, revisionist history and radically shifting principles. Or is their behavior a result of just blatant self-interest.”

Lyien doesn’t expect it to be easy to persuade Republicans such as Ted Cruz, Lindsey Graham, Kevin McCarthy, Rudy Guillani and a couple of dozen other party members to step forward for a psychological examination, let alone volunteer to have their brains plucked, poked and pickled.

“But,” says Lyien, “we need to know the science behind it and we need to find out if it can be managed with isolation and drug therapy. We also have to determine if it affects only entitled, smug white politicians or could it spread to the general population.”

Dr. Lyien’s previous work includes an examination of unethical behavior in the Catholic Church, The Boy Scouts of America and the Houston Astros.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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