WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – Political pundits agree that more bullshit comes out of Rand “The Weasel” Paul’s mouth than anyone else in the entire country; except maybe for Trump, McConnell, Gaetz, Jordan, Graham, Hannity, Carlson, Gutfeld, and Lindell.
iRumors reporter Vodka Vermicelli reported that Rand(y) will never, ever catch up to the Trumptard’s 30,000 plus lies, but at 17,900, he is sitting very comfortable in the #2 position (no pun intended).
The senator from Kentucky, who many say looks like a cross between a deranged squirrel and a hump-back flamingo, definitely has a Napoleon Complex as he reportedly only stands 5-foot-5.
Even his own wife, recently told Laura “Horseface” Ingraham, that he has to stand on his tippy toes in order for him to kiss her on the lips.
She even noted that several times neighbors mistook him for the paper boy.
Rand’s latest rant concerns the fact that he has been categorized as being a habitual upskirt gazer. He denies it saying that due to the fact that he is so close to the ground, makes it seem like he is constantly looking up women’s dresses and skirts, which he swears he isn’t.
But to quote British comedian Ricky Gervais, “Now that, there, is a tri-load of bull, cow, and duck shit.”