Muskets Only Guns Protected By 2nd Amendment: Supreme Court

Funny story written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Thursday, 8 July 2021

image for Muskets Only Guns Protected By 2nd Amendment: Supreme Court

In a minor case that no one thought would reach the high court, the justices today ruled, unanimously, that the only "arms" covered by the Second Amendment of the Bill of Rights are muskets. The decision by a conservative dominated Trump appointed court sent shock waves through every local National Rifle Associaiton club across America.

The case involved a North Dakota law that limited the size of bows and the number of arrows that would be allowed on the Wikipoo Indian reservation in that state. Tribe members argued that their right to bear arms under the Second Amendment had been infringed by the state law and appealed to the Supreme Court.

The six ultra conservative justices were joined by all three liberals in the opinion written by Clarence Thomas. The decision was based on the well-established conservative view of "original intent," by which the constitution is interpreted in light of what the founders had in mind at the time it was written.

Thomas noted that General George Washington had written a memorandum in which he stipulated that recruits would bring their own muskets, powder and bullets when they joined the Continental Army. "The General's memo clearly indicated that the only arms the Founders had in mind was the musket. Original intent must apply, and all other "arms" that exist today are not covered by the amendment." There was no dissenting opinion,

Outside of their chambers, most of the six conservative justices were reluctant to say anything further about the decision, but Chief Justice Roberts indicated that the decision was hard for most of the conservatives, "but we had to remain true to our belief in original intent."

NRA has issued a statement regretting that Bernie Sanders had not been elected president because Sanders, a Second Amendment leftist, would have appointed pro-gun lawyers to the Court.

The Supreme Court, Washington, D. C. Woof Bluster reporting for The Spoof.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more