The next iteration of the fantastically successful world of Marble super-heroes will feature a new addition to the pantheon, the Toobinator, modelled loosely on the CNN legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin, infamous for masturbating on a Zoom call with his colleagues.
The studio boasts in its advance promotional materials that the creation of the Toobinator marks a new speed record in imagining and developing a big screen hero based on current news events. The Toobinator character will reportedly have two aspects, appearing first in civilian guise, a la Clark Kent, as a comical and dumpy gnome-like character who blunders about a cable news TV set dispensing legal opinions; and then when the need arises morphing into his super-muscled hot-bod alter ego to battle Fox News and domestic terrorists.
Insiders say that Toobinator costume features a generous and threatening phallus wedged into his ribbed, tickle-tipped, flesh-colored spandex hero suit.
Rumors are that his special superhero power is the ability to make everyone in his line of sight instantly sick to their stomachs, thus immobilizing them for quick dispatch. This remarkable power is apparently generated by his rapid stroking of almost any tube-shaped object, including his own erect member when the need arises, generating instantaneous waves of shame and disgust that lay waste among evil doers.
While Marble understands that the sight of the original Toobin’s member was an occasion for both mirth and horror, the superhero version, they insist, will be an attractive, well-muscled, non-GMO organ made of edible vegetable matter. The latest rumor from the set is that a corrupt Evangelical Pastor will emerge as the new Supervillain in the film. Of course as all fans of the Marble franchise know, the villain always gets his just rewards in the end.
Sources indicate that Mr. Toobin has agreed to serve as an advisor to the production, principally for his expertise on proper techniques of public toobination.