Ellen DeGeneres Catches a Young Bird

Funny story written by Erickson 2

Wednesday, 3 March 2021

image for Ellen DeGeneres Catches a Young Bird
"Where's Ellen hiding! I need to find her!" says Boylan.

Ellen DeGeneres is now dating an 18-year-old lady with PGOS and she says it's hell on earth. DeGeneres' young bird, Lindsey Boylan, was born with Persistent Genital Orgasmic Syndrome.

Persistent Genital Orgasmic Syndrome is a genetic condition that keeps a woman aroused the entire day whilst having as many as 5,000 orgasms.

DeGeneres complains she's unable to bathe, dress, eat properly, or use the toilet, because Boylan keeps using her for stimulation. "Every time she sees me enter the living room, she has an orgasm!" yells DeGeneres.

DeGeneres argues that she sometimes wakes up in the morning and takes notice of Boylan sitting on her face.

"She's young and attractive, but she's more than I can handle," complains DeGeneres.

People hear 'orgasm', and they think it's a good thing," says DeGeneres. "Being on the edge of an orgasm 24 hours a day, to the point where you can't let your partner sleep, you can't let you partner function, you can't even let your partner think straight – that's not fun." For many PGOS sufferers, the urge to masturbate is overwhelming, but Boylan explains that this can greatly intensify uncontrollable desires.

Howard Stern called DeGeneres when hearing of her problem, and suggested she get Boylan the Sybian masturbation saddle, a device that helped control PGOS in a previous guest that Stern interviewed on his show.

Elton John also recommends the machine to DeGeneres "The Sybian is fabulous. It cured me of constipation in no time."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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