Anti-Statue Zealots Deface Lincoln Memorial

Funny story written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Tuesday, 16 February 2021

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The man himself

National Mall, Washington, D. C. Exclusive to The Spoof. Early this morning, on President's Day, activists from the various groups that have been toppling Confederate statues invaded the Lincoln Memorial on the National Mall and vandalized the monument. The famous statue of Abraham Lincoln, sitting as in deep thought, was toppled, his head severed, and the statue destroyed.

"We did this because Lincoln was not the abolitionist we have been taught to believe. Instead, in his famous letter to New York Tribune editor Horace Greeley, Lincoln made clear he had no intention of ending slavery with his Emancipation Proclamation. Its purpose was to coerce the South back into the Union through a promise that, if the Rebellion ended, they could keep their slaves. What kind of abolitionist is that?"

George Washington owned slaves. Will his monument topple next?

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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