Trump Admits He’s Guilty

Funny story written by K.C. Bell

Saturday, 13 February 2021

image for Trump Admits He’s Guilty
"It was just one of those things..."

After watching the films of the January 6, Capitol invasion by "that group of hoodlums" (Trump’s words), and hearing his January 6 speech in front of the White House, Donald J. Trump confessed in tears that he was guilty, yes guilty of inciting the mob, and should be punished. But not too much.

Republican House and Senate members were shocked, speechless, and underwhelmed.

No way, they insisted. Trump was definitely not guilty. He would never be found guilty during his present conviction trial. Republican Senators were ready to aquit Trump of any charges weeks before any testimony was even presented.

Some had even managed to place bets in Vegas that Trump would be acquitted. Any criminal confession on Trump’s part would produce a Vegas loss. A not guilty verdict is in the bag. No need to confess anything, they insisted.

He was also reminded of what Nikki Haley had said: "Get over it."

"No, no, no," Trump insisted, while drinking his strawberry milkshake with the chocolate sprinkles. He planned all along to overturn the election because he believed the election had been short-wired.

Like a choir in perfect harmony, the Senators all rolled their collective eyes. “This time, he’s definitely gone off the tracks.”

After listening to a recording of his January 6 speech, which Trump hadn't heard while reading it on the teleprompter, he realized: He was guilty of inciting the riot. He had to take the punishment, and he was going to man up.

Ted Cruz fainted.

“Can I have another strawberry milkshake, and no chocolate sprinkles, because they get stuck in the straw? But add lots of whipped cream and chocolate syrup.”

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The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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