News has reached us that Donald Trump's hairpiece has released a scathing, fly- on-the-wall attack on the much-missed American president.
The hairpiece, an unheralded witness to any of Trump's tantrums, arguments and fleeting affairs, was paid an undisclosed sum for its thoughts, recollections and very-well-kept diary.
Publisher Spleen and Windbag said: 'We have paid a lot for this, which, for the first time, promises to lift the lid, and look beyond the pure hyperbole that Trump's friends and enemies have been spouting on about for years.'
An undisclosed sum was paid for the diary of one of Jared Kushner's cufflinks, and £1,000 was paid for the opinions of one of Eric Trump's shoes.
Hell Toupee will be launched in April, with all proceeds going to fund Joe Biden's projects.