In breaking news, singer Cher has been eaten by Kaavan, the elephant that she sponsored to be moved to a zoo in Cambodia. The singer was visiting the animal in its new lodgings when, just as Cher was serenading the elephant, she was lifted up by Kaavan and thrown heavily to the ground.
The elephant proceeded to tear Cher limb from limb and, sadly, she was consumed utterly by Kaavan. There was no trace of her after several minutes of eating.
The real lesson one should make from this incident is never give a hungry, desperate elephant an even break.
