Biden Appoints Field Marshall Cinque Mtume As Defense Secretary

Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate

Tuesday, 24 November 2020

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BILLINGSGATE POST: President-elect Joe Biden has named Field Marshall Cinque Mtume as his choice for Defense Secretary. Mtume won his stripes by leading the Symbionese Liberation Army in the kidnapping of Patricia Hearst back in 1974.

In the notorious chase across America that lasted 567 days, General Mtume and his band of warriors eluded the FBI and our nation's police forces while driving a yellow VW van that was inconspicuously covered with strategically placed F..K PRESIDENT NIXON stickers.

During the celebrated search for Osama bin Laden, Field Marshal Mtume suggested that bin Laden may very possibly be in the United States cruising around in a stretch limo with a bevy of virgins.

Field Marshall Mtume: "Why would bin Laden be hiding where we say we are looking for him? That would be absolutely nuts."

That argument must most certainly have resonated with Joe Biden. Even though Mtume has been dead since 1974, Biden agreed to nominate him to the important post. Although his Vice-President-elect, Kamala “Breath” Harris, is well aware that Field Marshall Cinque Mtume has been missing in action or dead for over half a century, she is reluctant to tell Sleepy Joe, for fear it would ruin his Thanksgiving.

Slim: “WTF. The guy should be given a chance to shape up the Pentagon.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. He couldn’t be worse than some of the stiffs Obama put in.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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