Biden Inauguration Shocker - Harris to Attend Dressed as Darth Vader

Funny story written by David Smith

Tuesday, 24 November 2020

The world is still reeling from the news that President-elect Joe Biden plans to ride a lion to his inauguration ceremony in January 2021, and that the ex-circus beast will be fitted with a latex mask of Donald Trump’s face.

The decision to ride the Trump lion has been seen as not only grossly politically insensitive, but also offensive to the 70 million Americans that had a momentary loss of reason when completing their ballot papers, and actually voted for the outgoing monster, Trump.

So, when the Democrats gave out the news that the inauguration ceremony was to have a fancy dress theme, the announcement came not so much as a surprise, as a shock.

This was particularly the case when the press pack was told that VP Elect Kamala Harris would be attending dressed as the villain in the early Star Wars movie franchise, Darth Vader.

“I don’t know why the fancy dress idea is causing such a fuss,” said VP Harris when press attended her fitting for the Darth Vader costume at ‘Mac’s Magic & Fancy Dress Emporium’ in downtown Washington. “Trump attended his inauguration wearing a wig with a robot sex-droid at his side, and no one said a thing about that.”

When pressed by the cub reporter from the UK comic The Beano as to why she had chosen to attend the event in a Darth Vader costume, VP Harris crowed, “I chose Vader as he reflects certain aspects of my personality that I’d like to have underlined. For example, we never know who or what Vader really is. Vader may or may not be a male or female, white or a person of colour, but that’s irrelevant – it’s not what defines him or her. All we see is this big bastard in a black suit pushing people around, choking enemies to near-death using ‘the force’, then cutting their ‘bezubies’ off with a light sabre. I’d like to think that’s how people see me.”

VP-elect Harris then rather surprisingly told the assembled press that she intended to wear the Darth Vader costume throughout her tenure in office.

“We’ve dropped all the work on a Covid vaccine in favour of developing a real light sabre,” boasted the lady in the ill-fitting fancy dress costume, “Rather than to waste time trying to debate with our Republican opponents, we’ve worked out it’s quicker and more efficient just to flick on the light sabre and lop their heads off.”

However, not everyone is as thrilled as Harris with the inauguration ceremony taking a fancy dress theme. The instructions issued by President-elect Biden to participants as to how they should be dressed when attending the ceremony have not all been well received.

For example, outgoing (ex) President Trump has been told that he has to dress as the Disney character ‘Goofy.’

“It’s not only grossly offensive but impractical,” barked Trump when chased for a comment by the reporter for the UK gardening magazine, Thyme. “Biden knows I have a mouth shaped like a baboon’s ass. The costume supplied has a facemask with a long foam rubber nose. The opening is at least twelve inches from my mouth. I won’t be able to suck in enough air. I’ll suffocate. If that wasn’t bad enough, the shoes they sent for Goofy’s feet are over three feet long. Biden knows all my extremities are tiny. My feet are only six inches long. I’ll never make it up the steps!”

Equally as unhappy is ex-President Bill Clinton who has been sent a giant cigar costume, and his wife, Hillary, who has been sent the costume for the villain in Disney’s 101 Dalmatians, Cruella Deville.

“I thought Joe and us were buddies,” sobbed a hapless Hillary, “but you never know with these quiet guys. Who’d have thought, all these years, he’s been harbouring grudges.”

There are others, however, who have embraced the fancy dress theme.

“I, for one, am looking forward to attending the event,” purred the president of Canada, Justin Trudeau. “I’m gonna black up, and go as Denzel Washington.”

“…and I’m going as the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang,” added the UK’s persona-non-grata royal, Prince Andrew.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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