Following frenetic activity by Trump’s legal team, headed by the swivel-eyed melting-scalped legal-beagle Rudy Giuliani, the result of the 2020 election has been overturned. President Trump took to the White House balcony and declared, to an anxious world, that he was the victor in the 2020 race to become US president.
However, in a bizarre turn of events, Trump suddenly went limp, shuddered, then stood ramrod straight and announced that he was, in fact, the embodiment of the Covid-19 virus. Using Trump’s body and speaking through his mouth, the virus declared victory. It was noted that Trump spoke with a Chinese accent.
The virus boasted that it now had 100% control over Trump’s body, with at least one virus occupying every cell, with the exception of Trump’s brain, where there was only room for nine.
Speaking to a hastily assembled press pack, president Covid announced a raft of radical reforms he intends to introduce when he takes office in January 2021. These include completing the border wall to keep out undocumented alien bacteria, banning flights into America from shithole countries with dirty drains, abolishing Obamacare, Medicare, Medicaid, and anything else that pissed off viruses, and finally, banning face masks for everyone except for Jonny Depp.
When asked for a comment on the virus’ possession of her husband’s body, Melania Trump asked, “What size are its hands?”