OPELOUSAS, Louisiana – (Satire News) – RumorLand News reports a 10-year-old who is self-isolating with his parents is starting to go stir-crazy.
The parents, Trevor and Addendina Acorn, are extremely worried and are beside themselves, as little Timmy Bob has started eating the furniture out of sheer boredom.
His mom said that he hates playing video games, doesn’t like to watch TV, and has never really mastered the art of reading.
His father tried to teach him how to dribble a basketball, but Timmy Bob kept dunking it in the toilet, so his father just said the heck with it.
His mother said that, at first, her little boy started out eating Kleenex tissues, and soon progressed to Bounty Paper Towels, and now he's been taking good-sized bites out of their coffee table and other furniture items.
His 17-year-old sister became extremely concerned when Timmy Bob went into her bedroom and took a cocaine straw, put mustard on it, and ate it in 4 seconds.
The parents have said that that’s the last straw. They are planning on making an appointment with a therapist who specializes in horrendously messed-up eating disorders.