Man Arrested for Murdering a Reclining Chair in Local Furniture Store

Written by C/L

Sunday, 28 April 2019

image for Man Arrested for Murdering a Reclining Chair in Local Furniture Store
Police described the store manager and a sales associate's intervention as extraordinarily brave

A man was arrested for brutally murdering an innocent reclining chair in an upstate furniture store.

Canner Villhurdyou of Sheedheel Hollow was shopping for furniture with his girlfriend Mila Ripyou when he fell upon the recliner in a fit of rage. Police reports stated that Villhurdyou stabbed the chair sixty-nine times, before store employees could subdue him by repeatedly striking him with king-sized pillows.

Villhurdyou stated that he attacked the recliner after he decided to stand up from the chair and it ambushed him with its foot rest, hitting him hard in the back of his calves and forcing him to lose his balance and fall.

Eyewitnesses reported that the trouble actually began minutes before, when Ripyou was seen giggling and running her hands down the arms of the recliner. Villhurdyou seemed agitated and jealous over the incident, especially when Ripyou cooed with erotic delight while making a lewd gyrating motion with her hips. Villhurdyou angrily pulled Ripyou up out of the recliner and proceeded to threaten the chair.

Employees became worried and called the police, but it was too late; Villhurdyou had rushed the chair, savagely stabbing it.

Police described the store manager and a sales associate's intervention with oversized pillows as extraordinarily brave.

A warehouse worker tried putting some of the stuffing back in to save the recliner, but it was too late. The office receptionist softly wept as the chair slowly slipped away.

Villhurdyou was charged with first degree murder of a recliner. He could receive a possible maximum sentence of life in prison upholstering furniture, without parole.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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