WASHINGTON, D.C. – (Satire News) – France’s Ohh La La News Agency is reporting that they have discovered secret reports showing that the Kremlin has contributed quite a lot of money to two U.S. senatorial campaigns.
The report shows that Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell’s campaign has received $3.8 million from the Kremlin, and North Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham’s campaign has received $3.5 million from the Kremlin.
It is stated in the report that the money was doled out in $100 increments so as not to stir up any suspicion.
The money was funneled through three banks, The Deutsch Bank (NYC), the First Farmers Bank of Waterloo (Iowa), and The Pilgrim Hat International Bank (Boston).
When McConnell was asked to explain, he said that he knew nothing about it, as his wife, Ling-Ling, handles all incoming campaign money.
Meanwhile, Graham said that he was not aware of any campaign money from the Kremlin.
Senator Graham did tell Sean Hannity if the damn devil himself offered him $3.5 million, he would take it quicker than it takes two hummingbirds to make love.