As if the last three years of accusations had been insufficient, and his fans in Cloud Cuckoo Land (otherwise known as MSNBC viewers) were demanding an encore, Congressman Adam Schiff has issued a new warning, that the Russians are back, and they are hoping, once again, to steal an election for Donald Trump. “The Russians are coming, again,” said Mr. Schiff, flatly. "And I have the new evidence. Although, naturally, I cannot reveal it, I do intend to leak the juicy bits to the Washington Post."
While few, even in the credulous left wing press, take Schiff's paranoid reflex seriously, his latest salvo was apparently enough to put him over the top of some fierce competition, winning him this year’s Sisyphus Prize, awarded annually by the prize-happy Swedes, for exhibiting heroic persistence in the face of utter futility. As Sisyphus was punished by the Gods by being compelled to roll a great boulder up the side of a mountain, only to have it roll back over him and then begin again and again, always with the same result, so Mr. Schiff has been indefatigable in his efforts to topple Trump, despite the ever-dwindling number of people who can bear to hear the sound of his voice.
Mr. Schiff, gracious in this small victory, and allowing himself a moment to wallow in defeat and inhale the aroma of blissful irrelevance, accepted the prize while insisting, with no obvious attempt at self parody, that he still has in his possession absolute and irrefutable evidence of Trump’s 2016 collusion with the Russians, although, by now, it is a little dusty and smells of mildew. However, his new charges are backed by fresh new evidence, which he has, for safekeeping, already shared with the new UFO secretariat housed in Area 59. "The truth is now finally out there," Mr. Schiff said, giving his audience a meaningful look, "because I put it out there."
In a touching and thankfully humanizing finale for a wooden man often mistaken for a Star Trek holograph of a spindly alien life form and, at other times, a flesh-toned, ambulatory Alexa estranged from its internet connection, Schiff confessed that, while he was grateful to the Swedes for their acknowledgement of his humongous and spectacular failure, he had secretly hoped to win their “Little Engine That Could Award”. Alas, it was not to be. "That was what I wanted. But the Russians, you see," Mr. Schiff said, "they are everywhere and they know everything."
According to unnamed sources, Mr Schiff is the odds-on favorite to win the Sisyphus award again in 2021.