In a galaxy far, far away, at an industrial tribunal, actor/director Zirkoxx TribbleQ is being sued by the estate of the late Lieutenant Spock for species misappropriation.
“The is not remake of ‘that’ crass TV series from planet Earth,” said Zirkoxx, “Our film is based on historical Vulcan texts and I’ll be wearing authentic Vulcan ears from a dead Vulcan, what’s the problem?”
The film will feature a scene where an aging Spock cuts his finger and green blood spurts out. Zirkoxx is not a real Vulcan so it’s not real green blood.
“It’s another case of ‘Greened Blood’ on our screens,” said Brian Anorak of the Accuracy Association, “and this portrayal of Spock gets upset. Spock never got upset. He’s portraying Vulcans in a very bad light. Children watch this programme.”
“We’ve seen this before with people in wheeled cardboard boxes as Daleks,” said Anorak, “and a puffin once played The Penguin, I mean, they eat different fish. There are many Vulcans who could’ve played this role.”
“I had similar concerns when portraying Scottish legend William Wallace,” said Mel Gibson, “but the locals showed me how to eat a kilt, wear a haggis and smoke-a-bagpipe. That was the benefit of filming Braveheart in Ireland, which is quite near Scotchland, gave the film authenticity.”
Musicologist now confirm the best way to enjoy a bagpipe is to smoke it, over hot coals until it cinders or listen to it from 50 miles away, whichever sounds better.