Ambassador Sarek accused of cheating at Trekkie door-opening re-creation competition

Funny story written by sean hodgson

Saturday, 25 July 2020

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Star Trek conventions where no normal man has ever been

The Star Trek door-opening vocal re-creation champion Ambassador Sarek, real name Chuck Chuckle-Worth, from Sinclair, Wyoming, faces an allegation of cheating, and may not be able to ‘Klingon’* to his crown.

Heat One, Next Generation, season 3, first 8 episodes, went well for Sarek with: ‘Shhhusshpf’.

Heat Two, Kirk films, new universe, also well received with: ‘Shhhuuupf’

Heat Three, DS 9, series 2, episodes 1-7, could have been tricky as only true Trekkies know it was copied from ST:TOS. But, as Sarek limbered up with mouth mastication exercises, a Borg stepped into the arena and accused him of cheating.

‘I’m not just any Borg! My full designation is 5 of 7, Tertiary adjunct of Unimatrix One One,’ shouted Garth Brooklyn, from Golconda, Nevada. ‘He’s assimilated a surgical implant. He’s cheating.’

Actor, Leva Burton, one of the judges, was heard to say, ‘God give me strength!’

‘And even when cheating,’ added Garth the Borg, ‘there’s too much ‘Shhh’ and not enough ‘uuupf.’

Leva Burton prayed for more strength.

Ambassador Sarek responded to the allegation with, ‘I had a minor adenoidal correction that is within competition parameters. Now get outta my face Borgie with your flapping, rubber hose pipes.’

‘And you’ve got cheesy ears,’ mocked Garth the Borg. ‘Hey, Leva, try a bit.’ At this point, he snapped off a piece of Sarek’s ear.

Sarek, feigning injury, zapped out of the arena, holding his ear. Garth the Borg followed Sarek, holding his own ear, mimicking him, saying ‘I’m gonna simulate you.’

Leva Burton, looking non-plussed, said, “Mmm, I think it’s Vulconzola.’

*Writer was shot for this joke.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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