Spoof Writer Turns 90; Attributes Longevity to Life Insurance

Funny story written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Tuesday, 23 June 2020

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Covina, CA. Exclusive - to any editor who will print this. An aging Spoof contributor, who turns 90 on Thursday, gave this reporter an exclusive interview at the local library this morning. When asked 'to what he or she attributes his or her long life?', the answer came without hesitation.

"My expensive life insurance policy. At an early age, I bought a $100,000-term life policy with relatively cheap premiums. When I turned 50, the benefit decreased significantly, and the premiums went up. But I continued to pay for the insurance. At 60, the benefit fell to $10,000, and the cost rose to $59 a month. I really didn't need the policy then, since the kids were grown, but I kept it anyway.

"Each decade during my 60s, 70s and 80s, I paid roughly $7200 in premiums, totaling over $21,000, Why did I keep paying that? Because I was convinced that, if I dropped the policy, I would also drop dead right away, and my heirs would get nothing. Who wouldn't gladly pay $59 for another month of life on earth? That was a no brainer! Who knows? Those $59 monthly payments may keep me healthy until I'm 100!"

Our interview ended and the Spoofer hobbled off on his two canes, falling twice, and rested on a chair before attempting the two steps up to the exit.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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