BILLINGSGATE POST: It didn’t have to be this way. But Elmer Smuckmeister finally gave in to his inner-self. After years of trying to court the available ladies in Beaver Crossing, he threw in the towel. Elmer got down on one knee and proposed to Lizzie, one of his sheep.
Lizzie had always been special to Elmer. And him to her. She had waited patiently for him while he spent his hard earned cash buying flowers and candy for recent widows; some of them still wearing black mourning veils over their grieving faces.
Elmer claimed the Dalai Lama told him to do it. On a trip to cleanse himself in Tibet, he scored a personal audience with the Dalai.
“You will find a fountain of white wool before you. You will reach a state of perfect happiness, and new karma will be witnessed by you. A beatific vision, known only to those who possess a Montana Pole, will transcend your soul. You will be whisked off on a gentle cloud of wool. Your life will be forever changed.”
Dedicated to follow the Noble Eightfold Path, Elmer decided to make Lizzie an honest sheep. His proposal was accepted, and a life of tranquility was realized.
Slim: “WTF is a Montana Pole?”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. It’s a pole with a mirror dangling from one end. When you mount the sheep, you put the mirror in front of the sheep’s face to see if it’s smiling.”