Incidents of Sheep-Worrying at an All-Time Low

Written by Ben Macnair

Wednesday, 27 May 2020

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Don't worry, be happy

Conservative Minister, Regine Changer, has told reporters from the Chutney on the Fritz Times that, since lockdown began, no reports of sheep-worrying have bothered the desk of local policeman, Donald Plod.

The bearded policeman spoke at the press conference, his lisp suddenly revealed, and told us 'Since lockdown, no-one has been able to worry sheep, induce anxiety amongst pigs, disturb the sleep of cows, or stop the foxes from making all of that racket. Sometimes, it gives Mrs Plod ideas. I have seen things, you don't know the things I have seen. We have also had no reports of fights in the henhouse, and no heavy petting at the swimming pool, if you know what I mean Thomas Johnson....I see what you and Sarah are like. I wish I could be young again. My life would be very different.'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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