Man Could Soon Be Eating Rice For Breakfast, Dinner And Tea

Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 15 May 2020

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Just stop and think about that for a minute: breakfast, dinner and tea

An Englishman who, as a general rule, doesn't eat that much rice, has said that, before very much longer, he could quite easily be eating it for breakfast, dinner and tea.

Indeed, he could be eating it in his sleep.

The dire situation has come about because of threatened food shortages in southeast Asia, particularly of imported foodstuffs, which is what Moys Kenwood, 56, likes to eat.

Said Kenwood:

"I like to eat imported foodstuffs."

The foods that Kenwood is worrying about are things like Kellogg's Corn Flakes, which he has for his breakfast, and marmalade. Spaghetti, macaroni, and other types of pasta might also be difficult to get hold of, and even some vegetables, such as potatoes, carrots, broccoli, and onions - usually imported from Vietnam - could be as rare as rocking horse manure.

Even local produce has started to become thinner on the ground, and foods that are available in the markets, are now more expensive than they were before the Coronavirus raised its head.

Soon, rice may be all there is.

Kenwood said:

"Rice is a bit tasteless. I don't mean that in the sense in which you'd describe something that was done that 'wasn't in good taste', but in the sense that, when you place it upon your palette, it fails to register a taste. A bit like eating paper, if you will. Or wallpaper paste. Still, at least, it's better than nothing, I suppose."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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