Potential School Shooter Can't Wait For Quarantine To Be Over

Written by Dewani Unhatched

Friday, 1 May 2020

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12th Grader, Donny Balls, is counting down the days until he can return to high school and continue planning the mass shooting he has fantasized about for years.

"This whole virus thing has really messed up my scheme to shoot as many of my school mates as possible before I turn the gun on myself. I had meticulously chosen targets, weapons, and even the day I was going to do it. It's kind of back to the drawing board now. I was hoping to get it done by summer, but it may have to wait until fall," explained Donny.

"Being homeschooled means I could shoot my brother, and maybe mom and dad, but it is just not the same, is it? No real fun in that, and it will, no doubt, be classed as a murder-suicide. I guess I will just have to wait. If I graduate before this virus bullshit ends, I suppose I still have the option to crazy at my workplace; that is, if I get a job. Oh well, fingers crossed."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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