Man Opened Crackers, Only To Find Them Smashed To Smithereens

Written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 15 March 2020

image for Man Opened Crackers, Only To Find Them Smashed To Smithereens
Well, not smithereens, perhaps, but you get my gist, don't you?

A man who found himself feeling a bit 'peckish', and decided to open up his packing-up and eat something before it was really time for his dinner, was horrified to discover that a packet of crackers he'd intended to scoff were smashed to bits.

The Roma Malkist Crackers, produced in Jakarta, Indonesia, by the Mayora company, were the property of Moys Kenwood, 56. He had been looking forward to eating the sugar-coated treats ever since he'd put them in his bag that morning.

Around 11:30am on Thursday, a rumbling tummy prompted Kenwood to reach for the crackers to satisfy his hunger, but, as he did, he could feel the packet's contents were not as they should be. On opening them, he found not just the two crackers that there should have been, but MANY crackers, all of different sizes, both large and small, and oddly shaped fragments, as if, said Kenwood:

"A steamroller had been in the area."

He ate the fragments that could be picked up pincer-like using his thumb and forefinger, then extracted the others by licking his fingertip, then dabbing it on the crackers, to lift them out of the packet and into his mouth.

The delicate construction of the crackers, and the way they must have been in his bag, are thought to be the primary reasons for their disintegration.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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