English author, Duncan Whitehead, has reported that sales of his books in the USA have trebled overnight, as shoppers continue to panic-buy goods and food.
However, the increase in sales appears to have had nothing to do with the stories themselves, but is due, in fact, to a shortage of toilet tissue.
Panic-buyer, David Pines, from Fort Lauderdale, explained, "I have searched high and low for toilet paper, but the stores have sold out, so, instead, I ordered a copy of Whitehead's book. 'The Reluctant Jesus' and several other of his books, as I am led to believe these books are only fit for wiping your ass with. They really are that bad."