Nashville Man Narrowly Avoids Authentic Conversation

Written by Chrissy Benson

Monday, 10 February 2020

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Ken Hargrave, who's honed his meaningless banter to optimal levels, steers clear of needlessly real workplace convos.

After honing his meaningless banter to an optimal level of fluff, all his efforts at superficiality nearly went out the window, when Clint Hargrave of Nashville, Tennessee, was almost drawn into an authentic conversation at his workplace.

"It was a close call," sad Hargrave, who, as he walked toward the company kitchen to grab a cuppa, fortunately spotted the pensive look on his colleague's face and was able to do a fast 180 before being suckered into talking about something real. "Sometimes, coffee has to wait."

According to Hargrave, his coworker Ken O'Dell had, on several occasions, attempted to talk to him about both of their actual lives. "One time, when I'd already told him weekend was kickass, livin' the dream, no rest for the wicked, he asked a follow-up question about my mother, who I'd let slip was having knee replacement surgery," said Hargrave. "I mean, come on!"

He added, "I'm all for feeling your feelings, but do we have to let it all hang out all the time?"

Hargrave noted that, while he has been feeling a little glum in recent months following the death of his beloved dog - another personal detail he accidentally let slip to O'DellĀ in a weak moment - he sees no need to bring his sad self to the office. "Warrior self only!" he said.

That being said, Hargrave does plan to check in with his coworker at some point over the next week or so. "Seemed like he might have something on his mind," said Hargrave. "I'll give it a few days to simmer down and then I'll give him a shout-out. It's not like I don't care. I just don't need to be dealing with anything too heavy."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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