Desperate to boost its credibility and popular appeal, the Food and Drug Administration is reportedly considering changing its name to the "Pizza and Drugs Administration".
"The 'Pizza' wouldn't be referring to just pizza, of course," emphasized FDA Commissioner, Brett Giroir. "It would be meant to encompass all processed and fast foods in general. Kind of a metaphor."
Giroir also posited that, while subtle, the tweak of the term "Drug" to "Drugs" in the agency's title is one that will prove extremely image-enhancing for the admittedly staid FDA. "It just makes pharmaceuticals sound more fun - more recreational than medicinal. Not that that's what we're advocating, of course. But it's important to draw people in."
The proposed name-change comes at a time when many are questioning the integrity and efficacy of the FDA, accusing it of being driven by cooperate interests, and utterly under the thumb of Big Pharma - claims which Giroir wholeheartedly denies.
"We are an agency fully aligned with American values," he stated. "And the new name would reflect our commitment to promoting sound policies regarding the healthful consumption of pizza and drugs, and related substances - in moderation, of course."