Nashville Man Trips Over Loose Ends

Written by Chrissy Benson

Thursday, 28 November 2019

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Cal Chester is hopeful that tying the knot with his girlfriend will serve to tie up any remaining loose ends.

Never known for his attention to detail, 32-year-old Cal Chester of Nashville, Tennessee, went sprawling as the result of some untended-to loose ends, but ultimately came out ahead of the dating game and now plans to tie the knot.

"What an roller coaster," said Chester regarding the tumble he took when hisĀ  his on-again, off-again girlfriend, Lisa, in her frustration over Chester's reluctance to make a decision about their relationship, played a practical joke on him of tying his shoelaces together. "I shouldn't have left her hanging like that, I guess."

According to Chester, at the time of Lisa's stunt, he'd already mentally checked out of his relationship, and had been putting the moves on another woman, Becky, whom he knew from a local coffee shop, despite not having tied up loose ends with Lisa. "I guess you could say she did that for me when she tied my shoelaces together."

And as it happened, the jolt from Lisa proved just what Chester needed to get his priorities in order. "That fall must've finally knocked some sense into me. I realized why would I want to be with anyone else? Lisa kicks ass!"

He realized, too, that he'd long been over the cat-and-mouse dating game; it was time to settle in and fully enjoy what he had with Lisa. He told Lisa he was madly in love with her, and asked her to marry him. She agreed on the condition that, in the future, he refrain from being a douchebag.

"I asked her to define 'douchebag,'" said Chester. "No, no, seriously, I told her no problem. I'm really pleased with how it all worked out."

Chester is hopeful that tying the knot with Lisa will serve to tie up any remaining loose ends in his life. "It does seem like there's always another shoe that ends up dropping. But I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for the best."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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