Nashville Man Falls Apart by the Wayside

Written by Chrissy Benson

Sunday, 24 November 2019

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After falling apart by the wayside, Nick Harrison has vowed to become a man of action and possibly a Stoic.

In a tragic but not entirely unexpected emotional debacle, Nick Harrison of Nashville, Tennessee, frequently accused of being overly sensitive and passive to the point of invisibility, utterly fell apart by the wayside.

"I didn't see it coming, but then again, how would I?" said Harrison, who, in addition to being considered not a mover and/or shaker, had often been described as lacking the foresight and stick-to-it-iveness necessary to make it in the modern world. "I probably didn't handle it as well as I could have."

According to Harrison, the complete breakdown by a winding mountain path just outside Nashville was precipitated, appropriately enough, by precipitation. "We'd just had our first frost, and the ground was real slick. My feet went out from under me, and I fell. Hard."

And not only did he fall - he fell apart. "I lost my s***," he admitted. He chuckled wryly. "But hey, dudes are allowed to cry these days, right?"

On the plus side, Harrison says that the emotional nadir has marked a true turning point in his personal development, imbuing him with newfound determination to become a man of action, and possibly also a Stoic. And he remains steadfast in his determination to never fall apart by the wayside again.

"The next time I fall apart, it'll be right in the midst of everything," he said. "No one will be able to look away."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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