Representative Tim Ryan's Immaculate Withdrawal

Written by G. Brookings

Thursday, 24 October 2019

image for Representative Tim Ryan's Immaculate Withdrawal
Forgotten people often drive forgotten cars

Ohio Representative Tim Ryan announced today that he is dropping out of the 2020 Democratic Party Presidential race. In conceding that he did not catch on with the American people. Ryan, nevertheless, said his campaign could take credit for “…giving voice to the forgotten communities and the forgotten people in the United States.”

Baffled reporters, unaware that Ryan had been in the race, were forced to base their stories of his candidacy on hasty Yahoo and Google search results. Phone calls and emails to the forgotten communities and the forgotten people in the United States, yielded nothing of substance, and quite a few respondents resented being asked to represent forgotten people. Typical of these replies was a woman who joked that “it’s easy to be the leader of the forgotten people, since no one can find them to contradict you.”

Another, more sympathetic person who ran a shelter for abandoned pets, simply wondered what might have happened if Ryan had told someone he was running. “He always has a home here,” she offered.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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