"Quid Pro Quo:" Trump, Zelensky Arrested on Drug Charges

Funny story written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Wednesday, 23 October 2019

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The White House, Washington, D. C. Woof Blister reporting for SIN, Spoof International News. The Drug Enforcement Agency of Interpol today entered the Oval Office of President Donald Trump, handcuffed him, and arrested him for dealing in drugs across national boundaries. At the same time, Ukraine's president Zelensky was apprehended as he was about to board a flight to Moscow.

While Trump could not be arrested by American police - the sitting president rule, the U.S. Constitution does not give him immunity when an international crime has been committed. Despite Trump's insistence that the arrest was illegal, authorities point to agreements with Interpol that bind the U.S. to honor the indictment Interpol obtained in Paris.

The specific charge against Trump is based on several phone calls to Zelensky last July, and numerous explanatory tweets and emails that make clear that Trump offered Zelensky a quid pro quo. According to the indictment, Trump used that term several times in conversation with Zelensky and Trump's aides.

According to the indictment, the real intent of the phone calls and tweets had nothing to do with the 2016 election or the Biden family. Instead, Trump was offering to sell marijuana to Zelensky, to be picked up when the Ukrainian president visited Trump at the White House later in the summer.

"Quid Pro Quo," literally translated, is urban slang for a drug deal: "For one English pound, I'll give you a quarter ounce of marijuana." Interpol insists that all the hullabaloo over "Quid Pro Quo" in the past few weeks has been a smoke screen attempt by Trump to divert attention from his drug dealing activities.

Trump is spending the night at the Interpol HQ in Miami. Zelensky has been jailed in Kiev.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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