Nashville Man's Multitasking Spins Out of Control

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Wednesday, 23 October 2019

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"Maybe I am just a scatterbrain," said Matthew Tucker after his multitasking took on a life of its own.

Simultaneously trying to listen to a podcast, complete an online purchase form, stay mindful of his breathing, and work at his full-time office job of sitting at a desk and doing things on a computer, Matthew Tucker temporarily lost all sense of self.

"I got a little glimmer of nirvana," he said. "It was pretty cool."

Tucker explained that as a child, he was always criticized for being scatterbrained. "Now, though, they call it multitasking, which I appreciate. Casting what I used to think of as a negative as a straight-up positive. Reframing, man - it's powerful stuff."

Somewhat to his dismay, however, Tucker reported that, apparently in response to his moment of selflessness, his ego has since kicked in full force, determined not to be eradicated.

"Now it's pushing me to be the most badass multitasker of all time, at least in the south," he said via Skype, while walking on a treadmill at the gym, drinking a green juice, calling his mother on his cell phone, and checking his email. "Honestly, it's a little out of control."

Breathing heavily, he added, "Maybe I am just a scatterbrain."

Still, despite the push-pull between enlightenment and frenzy, Scatterbrained Tucker is managing to find a way to peacefully coexist with Master Multutasker Tucker, and together, the two of them seem to be holding things together - at least for now.

"We may be navigating a sinking ship," said Tucker. "But if we go down, we'll be going down together."

He grinned and patted himself on the shoulder with the hand holding his cell phone. "Self-love, man. At the end of the day, what else have we really got?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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