White House Minister of Truth Shiv Aalok held a press conference this morning in the Rose Garden to defend, explain, justify and elaborate on news reports concerning requests made by President Trump to the government of Ukraine. Numerous independent sources are reporting Trump asked the Ukraine government to investigate Joe Biden and his son. According to Minister Aalok, "...the president has every right to investigate conspiracy theories. Who can forget how he investigated Obama's birthplace with great success?"
Minister Aalok confirmed Trump requested Ukraine investigate the following:
* . Does Melania have a body double, and if so why does she reject me in bed also?
* . Did the Beatles really bury Paul?
* . Do Michael Jackson and Elvis Presley live together as domestic partners in Bogata?
* . Is Jeffery Epstein in Area 51 because he has numeric dyslexia, and is looking for hot young aliens?
* . Is President Obama the son of Malcolm X?
* . Was Senator Cruz' father really behind the assassination of President Kennedy?
* . Why do I get Tupac and Kayne confused?
Minister Aalok did not say when the investigations would be completed, but did explain the president will not release the final report to Congress or the American people. "Everything the media reports about me is fake news. Fake, fake, fake," said President Trump from Air Force One, as he flew over Roswell, New Mexico on his way to the Bermuda Triangle.