FDA Issues Recall For Entire Turnip Crop Due To Salmonella Contamination - "Oh, no! What are we going to do now?" Said Nobody

Written by SamIAm

Sunday, 22 September 2019

image for FDA Issues Recall For Entire Turnip Crop Due To Salmonella Contamination - "Oh, no! What are we going to do now?" Said Nobody
Nobody (pictured above) loves turnips.

Washington DC - Due to salmonella contamination, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) announced a recall of all turnips today, causing quite a stir with Nobody.

"I can't believe this is happening. Turnips are the tastiest food ever, so I'm pretty upset," said Nobody. "When they recalled lettuce and broccoli two years ago, that wasn't so bad. But turnips!" Nobody shook their head. "Not turnips!"

"It was not our goal to upset Nobody," said Patricia Graves, the Public Relations Administrator for the FDA. "But we care about Nobody's health and safety. So we cannot allow contaminated turnips to be sold on the market, no matter how much Nobody loves them. It's our job, and I'm pretty sure Nobody understands that."

Nobody claims to be planning a protest, demanding the turnips be released to market. "We figured Nobody would do this," said Graves. "Because if anybody loves turnips, it's Nobody!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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