How To Trade Your Worthless College Humanities Degree For A Valuable Doctorate

Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Sunday, 30 June 2019

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My Degree Sucks

BILLINGSGATE POST: Are you stuck with a college degree that sucks? A major in English, Philosophy or Psychology might answer the ultimate question: Why am I here? A voice from the heavens says: “You are here to repay $36,000 that you squandered on the bare essentials of college existence: beer, dope and pizza.”

A little background: Dr. Billingsgate received his Bachelors Degree with a major in Philosophy. He could quote Aristotle, St. Thomas Aquinas, Descartes and the Maharishi Mahesh Yogi; all thinkers who changed the way man perceived existence and the very essence of life.

Alas, nobody cared. The Doctor was hardcore unemployable. Realizing that he would eventually starve to death if he didn’t transcend this reality, he enrolled in La Fontaine College, located on Grand Cayman Island. The first to implement a program whereby one could trade a worthless degree for a money-making profit machine, La Fontaine College gained international recognition for this innovative approach.

For $100 CI$ (Cayman Dollars) Billingsgate was allowed to trade his worthless Philosophy Degree for a Doctorate in Forensic Taxidermy. Subsequently, the wayward scholar parlayed this degree into eleven additional Doctorate degrees, including Animal Husbandry, Marriage Counseling, Dissonance Reduction, Kung Fu and seven others; all this without having to attend a formal class.

Not a diploma mill, La Fontaine requires its students to receive their degrees in person. Operating out of a beach front garage, Dr. Jacques La Fontaine, the President of the eponymous college, hands out diplomas twice a year to his distinguished scholars.

Although referred to as “The Harvard of the Caribbean,” La Fontaine actually turns away more applicants than the entire Ivy League combined.

Slim Everdingle: “Sounds like my kind of college. No SAT minimum.”

Dirty: “Yo, Dude. If you wanna get ahead, La Fontaine College has it all.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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