Math Teacher Suspended: Inappropriate Word Problems on Tests

Written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Friday, 12 July 2019

Anaheim, CA. Exclusive to The Spoof. An ultra-conservative school board in ultra-conservative Orange county today placed on administrative leave and removed from the classroom, a popular high school math teacher whose students consistently had the highest math scores in the state. Ultra-conservative parents were outraged by his use of what they considered inappropriate word problems on his math tests.

The teacher, whose identity has not been formally revealed because the case is still under investigation, taught all levels of math, but the complaints stemmed from his word problems in the Advanced Placement class.

At today's board meeting, numerous parents, but no students, cited specific examples of his lack of good judgment in writing the problems. Here are three examples. and in each case the names were easily identified as students in the class:

Problem 1. Diane L is known for her bad case of dandruff. If one flake of her dandruff weighs 1 g, how many flakes would be needed to equal an ounce? You may use the conversion chart.

Problem 2. Betty G's belly button lint - or navel fluff for those of you with puritanical morals - measures 1.82 mg. Jim J's belly button lint weighs 2.1 mg. How much lint would each need to make a pound?

Problem 3. David H has just won the half-mile race in record time, and stands exhausted, beads of sweat running down his bare chest. His friend, Mary D, collected a bead on a finger and placed it in a vial. If David's sweat bead was 1 mm in length, how many beads would Mary have to take from David's torso in order to have a line of sweat beads stretching from Anaheim to Cucamonga?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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