No Casualties in Summer Blockbuster "John Wick Bad Guys Vs. Star Wars Stormtroopers"

Written by Jaki Treehorn

Friday, 12 July 2019

image for No Casualties in Summer Blockbuster "John Wick Bad Guys Vs. Star Wars Stormtroopers"
Stormtrooper Fires Laser Weapon Missing Target

Hollywood - Box office numbers have dropped off sharply after the first week of release for the new "John Wick Bad Guys vs. Star Wars Stormtroopers" movie.

In reviews by critics and the public on Rotten Tomatoes, it was pointed out that no one was actually shot, stabbed, decapitated, or lasered in the two-hour flick featuring the inept combatants from the Star Wars and John Wick series of movies.

"These characters typically run toward their opponents firing their weapons wildly into the air instead of on target, even if they get around to pulling the trigger. Also they wouldn't hurt a fly in a fist fight. I'm surprised that viewers would expect otherwise," explained director, Toby Smith.

"We used the same extras from the previous films. We thought about actually training them, but we just didn't have the budget. We also couldn't afford big-name actors like Keanu Reeves, Tom Cruise or Sylvester Stallone, who might actually be expected to kill dozens of incompetent opponents without breaking a sweat," added the director.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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