Tehran, Iran - (Pisstarchios): Iran’s President Rouhani is in the doghouse after an outbreak of allergic convulsions at a recent state dinner was traced to ‘something truly horrid ‘ in the dessert course.
Guests complained that Sholezard, a traditional Persian rice pudding, tasted of ‘foreign adulterants’ instead of expected customary ingredients.
“Typically these consist of rice, saffron, sugar, rose water, cardamom, cinnamon, almonds and pistachios,” the head chef at Sa'dabad Palace, the president’s official residence, told the Spoof website’s cookery editor.
“Occasionally, we add a sprinkling of Iranian yellowcake uranium,” the cook also confided, “to give the pudding a really classic, golden Persian sheen.”
Food inspectors conducted a thorough examination, their eventual findings making truly unpalatable reading for anyone without the stomach for such lurid detail.
Only now can this website reveal those conclusions which suggest that due to a suspected delivery mix-up, body parts belonging to executed non-Iranian sex offenders somehow managed to find their way to the presidential palace kitchens.
Items included recently harvested vital organs belonging to ‘apostate scumbag corpses’ destined for a local food cannery servicing expat cuisine.
“We think non-Iranians’ minced testicles were added to the pudding,” our culinary deep throat said.
No wonder guests threw up after a few mouthfuls, apostates’ nuts always taste bad.