LEXINGTON, Kentucky – (Satire News) – In a move to help increase sagging sales, KFC has decided to implement a new menu item. A spokesperson for the chicken giant, Filla Marshenco, 51, stated that starting in January 2022, all of the 23,802 KFC’s…
Philly (WN) — Over $1billion worth of illegal coke was seized during a bust at Packer Avenue Marine Terminal in South Philadelphia on Tuesday, the U.S. Attorney’s Office says. "We have to thank our informants, "Lisa Lisa" and the "Hernandez Circus Ch...
After being forced to undergo bypass surgery to address his advanced heart disease, 48-year-old Christian Casey of Nashville, Tennessee, decided it was time to make some real changes to his diet, including switching from drinking Sprite to Canada Dry...
No longer willing to ignore the stark reality of environmental degradation, global poverty, and deteriorating human health, pessimistic beverage packing company Canned Dreams, Inc., recently announced the launch of a new product line, known as the al...
The outgoing mayor of NYC has had a lot to say about large, sugary drinks. In short, he hates them. They don't jive with his health crusade. But his newborn grandson (he was born on Christmas Eve) ain't buying it. "Breast milk is ok," said...
SAN FRANCISCO - The city of San Francisco has decided to try and do something about the growing number of overweight citizens. The city council plans on imposing a 2 cents per ounce tax on soda. Well needless to say that decision has met with a...
OH, THANK HEAVEN, NY - 7-Eleven convenience stores were raided across Long island, New Yawk, by the city's finest, accompanied by Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives (BATF) agents. The U. S. government considers alcohol, tobacco, f...
NEW YORK CITY - New York City Mayor Bloomberg has struck again and this time he is focusing his concern on skateboarding and those individuals who skateboard. Reports are that the mayor is still very angry at the fact that his Big Gulp Law was str...
Critics of the ban on super-sized soda drinks have panned Mayor Bloomburg for taxing the poor people of New York who drink the most soda drinks. It is predominently those people on a low income who consume the most fizzy beverages. Poor people pu...
Jay Stillman has had enough. The veteran couch potato from Beeville, Texas, has changed his weekly order for seven buckets of chicken wings. "I'm cutting down to six buckets until they lower the price. Someone has to take a stand," he said. Acr...
A just released report from some hot air experts in the field, could explain that mysterious UFO sightings go hand in hand with a puzzling natural phenomenon known as sprites - flashes high in the atmosphere triggered by thunderstorms in clouds that...
Music greats have been known to rise and fall with the speed and suddenness of the stars but no one expected the folk rock legend Bob Dylan to be reduced to a beverage hawker at the Florida stadium that will host this years Superbowl. Dylan told...
Citing potential statistics on Global Warming, environmentalist champion Al Gore challenged the world to halt production of carbonated beverages such as soda and beer. "We must reduce unnecessary CO2 emissions," droned Gore, sipping a flat...
Atlanta - Coca Cola Executives and a small army of PR people today crowded a specially hired convention centre in the heart of bustling Atlanta's business district to declare before a specially invited audience of local dignitaries and press that...
Do you suffer from bobbing head syndrome? Do you eyelids feel like lead window shades? Does your cup of coffee give out mid-day? Ever had a day where you need that extra kick? Been waiting for something better than soda, tea or caffeinated mints?...
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